Oh what a feeling, it's tree day!
by happy molecule
Summary: After a really bad day, Smith has a mid-life crisis
1. Smith's bad day

A/N: This is dedicated to the ever-so-gorgeous George Clooney who I worship like a stone………

Smith sighed as he walked up the stairs.  He was absolutely exhausted.  It wasn't easy being him.  As if cloning himself again and again wasn't tiring enough, he'd then had to go fight Neo!  He rubbed the back of his head ruefully.  Despite what most believed, agents, and indeed ex-agents, did feel pain.  Especially when they were whacked in the back of the head with a pole.

He finally reached the level he was looking for.  He pulled out his keys and unlocked the apartment door.  He threw his keys onto the kitchen table and switched on the radio.  Then, cracking his neck, he opened his bedroom door and walked in…………..

To find his girlfriend

Cheating on him!

Smith was furious!  

"Rachel!!" He yelled.  Rachel leapt up.  She yanked a sheet off the bed and hastily wrapped it around herself.

"Angus?!"

Smith ignored her.  He stormed towards the man on the bed.

"Hello," the man smirked.

"YOU?!"

"Yes me.  Me, me, me."

"Angus what's going on?!" Rachel asked, her eyes flicking from the man on the bed to Smith.  

"Nothing dear.  This _impostor_ was just leaving."  The man roughly grabbed Smith and threw him out of the apartment. 

Smith was distraught.  After all, he had just found his girlfriend cheating on him.  With himself!  After a couple of minutes of feeling sorry for himself, Smith decided he would go and drown his sorrows with a beer or two.  He tried to get up, but suddenly found that his tie was stuck in the door!  He couldn't move!  Smith tried desperately to think of a way to escape from the evil clutches of the door.  A few suggestions flittered into his head, but none of them would work.  There was only one thing he could do.  Stifling a sob, Smith slowly undid his tie and did the unthinkable.  He removed it.  Then he got up and desolately walked all the way down the stairs again.  

Smith walked into the pub, which, as usual, was packed.  He managed to find a spot near the bar and ordered a vodka cruiser.

Smith groaned as the sun shone directly on is face.  His head pounded.  He lazily opened his eyes and looked around.  Where the hell was he?!  As he looked more closely at his surroundings, he suddenly realised where he was.  He began violently throwing up.  Smith was lying in the back seat of Agent Jones' car!  He rolled out of the car as quickly as he could, yanking his shirt on as he did.  Suddenly he heard a sickening crunch.  Slowly he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out….

His precious sunglasses

In seven pieces.

Smith looked at the pieces and immediately burst into hysterical tears.

P.S. Well I can't post anymore; my brains still stuck on the picture of Smith without a shirt :D mmmmmm……….ahem.  Anyways, stay tuned for the next edition of my wacky story :D


	2. The job interview and a mysterious woman

"Mr Smith, I believe I know what's wrong with you," Mr Peredhil began.  He was the psychiatrist to whom Smith had been sent to after he had been sitting on the street, crying non-stop about his sunglasses for a week.  

"You do?" Smith asked hopefully, wiping away his tears.  

"Yes.  I think you are experiencing a mid-life crisis."

Smith thought this was odd, as he was more or less immortal and therefore did not have a mid-life, but he said nothing.  

"What you have to do is change everything in your life."

"Everything?"  
Mr Peredhil nodded.

Smith sighed, paid the "nice" psychiatrist and walked out the door.

Smith sat in the corridor, nervously fidgeting.  He was awaiting his job interview; the final part in his plan to completely change himself.  He ran a hand through his short, newly blonde hair.  Suddenly the door opened and Smith was ushered inside.  

The room was a small, typical office-type space.  Bookshelves lined the walls, which in turn were adorned with various banners and certificates.  In the middle of the room was a desk.  He sat down in a comfortable chair in front of the desk.  Across from him, on the other side of the desk, sat a lady.  She was facing the window and seemed to be talking into an earpiece.  Smith was suspicious, but then he realised that her code wasn't reading like an agent's.  Smith breathed a silent sigh of relief.  Well, he would have if he could feel relief.  Or sigh.  So instead he started humming a randomn Nirvana song.  As he did, Smith began to study the woman.  She was quite simply stunning.  Her long brown hair fell lightly across her shoulders, and glittered in the sunlight.  His eyes travelled up her back, and stared at her head.   Not that that back of it was very interesting.  _Although, Smith decided, _she does have a nicely shaped head.  _In an attempt to see her face, Smith began shifting his chair over.  Suddenly, he caught sight of her ears.  His (somehow colour-altered) green eyes widened.  Oh shit.  The woman chose that moment to turn around.  Smith screamed.  Then promptly fainted.  _

The woman began bashing her head on the table.  

"Gosh darn it!  I hate it when that happens!" Then, with a sigh, she picked up Smith and carried him through the wall and into another realm…………


	3. Last chapterSmith's exhusband

Smith wrinkled his nose.  He was surrounded by many strange and unfamiliar sounds.  Yet they were familiar to him at the same time.  Which totally didn't make sense, because if they were unfamiliar, then they couldn't be familiar which meant that they couldn't be- Smith groaned as his head began to throb even more.

"Sssssh…" a voice said, stroking his forehead.  Smith opened his eyes.  The owner of the voice leant over and kissed him.  Smith leapt up.

"ELROND?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?! WHY ARE YOU EVEN-" he grabbed his head

"Aaaargh!" He moaned, sliding to the floor.  "What's wrong with my head?!"

"You hit it on the chair when you fainted," Elrond replied.  "The sensation you are currently experiencing is pain."

"Make it go away!" Smith sobbed.

Elrond walked over to him and gathered up the ex-agent in his arms.  He pulled a syringe out of his pockets.  

"This will sting a bit," Elrond warned.  He plunged the syringe into Smith's bicep.

"Ow!"

"Ssssh…" Elrond quickly injected THE CONTENTS OF THE SYRINGE AND PULLED IT OUT.  He pulled out a fluoro pink band-aid and put it over the injection site.

"Does Smithy wanna a wollipop?" Elrond asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.  Smith nodded.  He smiled in glee as Elrond magically produced a red lollipop from nowhere, unwrapped it and popped it into Smith's mouth.  Elrond wiped away his tears and smiled back down at the man lying contentedly in his lap.  

"I really missed you Angus," Elrond announced quietly, after a few minutes of contented silence.  Smith was shocked at his ex-husband's blatant display of emotions.  An awkward silence followed.  Out of the blue Elrond suddenly blurted,

"Angus Smith, will you marry me?"

Smith suddenly felt something welling up inside his heart.  He wasn't sure what it was, but it was overwhelming everything else he'd ever felt or known.

"Of course I will!" he gushed.  He kissed Elrond passionately.  Then they both stood up and skipped out of the room, arm in arm.  As they skipped towards Elrond's bedroom, they could be heard shouting,

"O what a feeling, its tree day!"

A/N: I am very sorry for this ending.  Deeply sorry.  I, in no way whatsoever, advocate the use of slash.  I think it's scary and disgusting.  But this was way too tempting.  I promise I shall never do it again.  Blame it on the XL large fanta and the HUGE bag of red lollies I got for FREE! Mmmmm….lolly taste testing….


End file.
